I just decided to sign up for the NaBloPoMo?? month long writing challenge and now, as I sit here on my bed, wondering what in the hell I have just done, I realize I have a lot to write about. I haven’t written on here in months. I also missed the first day because I was completely hungover from Halloween and in no mood to even look at my computer yesterday. (#MarathonWhiteCollarDay) But, I am one of those type of people who works well when challenged and so maybe this will help boost my confidence. The past few months have been tough for me. I have been depressed and lost. I spent several weeks in bed watching free internet TV telling myself that it was ok to feel this way. Completely unmotivated to go and find a job here, I decided that my year was up and I needed to get back to reality and move back home. There were a few things that prompted this decision.
1) I do not a single friend here. I know this sounds pathetic but it’s true. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s that I don’t go out every night trying to meet people. Maybe it’s just Florence. As wonderful a city as she may be for art and architecture I find myself a bit disillusioned with Florence. It’s become a love/hate relationship. But I will save this for another post. Also, the women here are not exceptionally nice, they are hard to get to know and usually don’t even want to try. Maybe it is the language barrier? I am still not well versed in Italian and so it is difficult for me to communicate. Maybe it’s my age too? The women my age here are generally married and home with their families and as much as I love younger people, I find it hard to have interesting conversations with them. I can’t say it’s been all bad. I have met some wonderful people at my school and even when I am out and about. Even though Florence has a tendency to be extremely transient, I have made some lasting friendships with people from all over the world and I can only hope that I will have those contacts for many years to come!
2) Work. Work is not an easy thing to come by here. I have my certificate to teach here and I am sure that if I was more motivated and maybe a little less fearful of success I could find a job. Maybe not in Italy but elsewhere in the EU. Which leads me to,
3) School. I have decided that I need to go back to school if my focus is really going to be on teaching and I need to get that English degree out of the way. I also find that I’m very interested in Linguistics so maybe returning to school will be the catalyst I need to move forward with my plans.
4) I miss my family and friends. If money were no option I would try and make this work out here and just fly home once in a while. I am missing my little Fairy God daughter growing up and watching her parents ruin her childhood on Skype without me the there to help is just killing me. I also hate seeing my my cousins life going on without me. Of course I miss my son too but he isn’t talking to me again?? and I miss my Mom. Even though our relationship has been rocky in the past, she is the only mother I’ve got and she is not getting any younger…
I am actually fearful of getting back to the states and hating it because of all the reasons I left int he first place. Shady political system, shady police, shady people, shady cost of living (Italy is very expensive too.)
What I have decided about this problem of course, is that it’s not the problem itself but of course my attitude about it and it won’t matter where I live while I go to school as long as I have a good attitude. I am hoping that writing everyday will keep me honest and that the few people that I have made as friends here will help in that endeavor. And then I can start anew by posting the craziness of going back to school (again) at the age of 45! But in the meantime I will just post a few blogs that I had written about my journey here and then never bothered to post and add some pics to go with it. Hopefully, I can be this disciplined! In the meantime, please put up with my run-ons and you have my email so send me an email now again… I love to hear from you!