I have no idea what my problem is but I have come to the doldrums somehow on this trip. So this is just some verbal vomit that I hope will get me inspired to write about something interesting next week. Maybe someone out there will have some suggestions?? Not everything in Italy is pasta, opera and sexy men. Sometimes things slow down to a dull crawl here and I wake up and wonder, “Why the hell am I still here?” “Why did I spend all this money just to come here and be bored.” My father would’ve said, “Michelle, you’re not bored, your boring.” But I truly prefer to chalk it up to the heat of summer. I have absolutely no desire to be out lately. I sit in my apartment feeling sorry for myself, watching pirated TV and ‘pretending’ like I’m studying.
I am supposed to be working on my CV for a TESL job but even that has come to a screeching halt because, what am I supposed to put on there? “Hairstylist, 20 years on and off, No degree yet, People loved my work??” I have no idea. Do I lie? Do I put my bar-tending experiences on there? My on off years in college and universities? And what exactly HAVE my achievements been?? Should I write that I raised one son, who after the last photo may be turning into an alcoholic at the ripe old age of 21? Or how about that I put all my shit in storage and up and moved to Florence, Italy to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for a year?? It’s a tad depressing. Do I need Prozac??
I spend more time on Facebook and Twitter and everywhere else making up excuses for myself that I am doing something constructive. Lame.
I can’t believe that my life has been squirreled down to this. In the end it’s fear. Somehow I have become afraid to go out of this damn apartment. I have to say that making friends here has not been easy. I’m a fairly likable person but the women here are tough to get to know, they are insecure and jealous and downright strange. And the men automatically think I am going to have sex with them… so that’s out too. I have my gays and I love them but they have their lives and can’t babysit me all the time, so now what?? Help me not turn into that crazy American cat lady!!!
I need a muse, some inspiration, a good laugh! I need to get off this damn computer and make some friends here! There has to be at least one woman here who doesn’t think I want to sleep with her boyfriend!!! I don’t. I swear. I’m not into the men here! I just want one nice woman to have a coffee or a glass of wine or go shopping with once in a while. Is that too much to ask for??
So, enough of the rant. I am off to school to make an attempt to learn this damn language and maybe on the way home I’ll stop by Misericordia and see a therapist…
Guess which one is mine??